Warning: This post about loving yourself might trigger you

February 16, 2016

This post has been brewing inside me for awhile; this no-holds- barred, tell-it-like-it-is, lay-it-all-on-the-line kind of post. I see a crisis in America.  I see an epidemic of people who don’t love themselves. I see an epidemic of people who would rather bury their heads in the sand then face their cognitive dissonance, process their emotion, and take the next step in their evolutionary journey. I have quietly led by example. I have helped those who have come to me ready for the next steps. I have made memes, posted quotes, and selflessly helped countless people. But I think it’s time that I rattled the cage a bit.


If you take a moment to stand back and observe people on Facebook you will notice that there are lots of people out there begging for love, but not willing to go after it.  They post about their bad day so that people will “pray” for them.  They make “poor me” posts so that their friends will say, “Oh honey, it’s okay.”  They complain about their lives, their children, their significant others, and many engage in this kind of behavior on a regular basis.  However, if you offer advice on how they can fix their situation they say they don’t want advice, they just needed to vent.  A week later they are venting about the same shit, different day.  Recently a mother was complaining about how stressed she is—and she had good reason to be stressed. Person after person tried to help her.  Her response was that it was impossible for her to take care of herself in her circumstances and while she appreciated people trying to help her this was just her life and she’d deal with it.  She was turning herself inside out and hurting her health in order to take care of her family.  This happens all too often in America, and is a great example of a lack of self-love.


Here’s another example. A few days ago there was a thread in a local Mom’s group about Johnson’s & Johnson’s baby products and how toxic they are. The moms were discussing what brands were safe. I noticed that suggestion after suggestion didn’t really address the problem of a toxin free solution. I, having super sensitive children, have done the homework and thought maybe I could help. I’ve written blog posts about it, taught classes about, read labels for people, so I offered a certified organic, toxin free solution. And you know what I was told by one of the women who was complaining how hard it is to find safe products?  I’m quoting here:  “We are a non-organic family.” Ummmmmm….?? Honestly, I had a moment of "WTF?  What the hell does that even mean?"  You either want safe products or you don’t. Another Mom said about another so-so product, “Well, it’s good enough.  I mean, it’s better than Johnson’s and Johnson’s”.  Again, what??? What makes a person who says they want to go "all natural" accept “good enough?” What makes a person who claims to be doing their very best to be eco-friendly, green, healthy, etc., claim "good enough" when they are faced with a "best" solution? I’ll tell you what makes them do that—they don’t feel good enough for the best of the best. They don’t love themselves enough to go balls to the wall, all out. If you say you want clean but then accept less than that in the face of clear evidence you are telling the universe that you are not good enough for the very best. Claiming that you want to take it step-by-step; claiming that you need to sell less-than-ideal products for the income; claiming that you're willing to accept *some* questionable ingredients are all cop outs.  I can’t say this any plainer--Wake Up America! You are poisoning yourself and you claim it’s good enough. Please love yourself enough to demand better for yourself. 


One more example.  A woman on Facebook who posts constantly about healing naturally and rages against the toxins in vaccines posts about how she’s feeding her child Chik-Fil-A because she’s stressed. Hundreds of people follow this woman because she stands up against big pharma.  Her many followers post comment after comment about how it’s okay that she fed her kid fast food 3 times in a week; many said you NEED to do that sometimes.  WHAT???? Chik-Fil-A is chock full of the very toxins in vaccines that this woman rages against, but her need to be self-validated by a bunch of strangers on Facebook is leading people to say, “It’s okay that you fed your kid poison because you were stressed.”  IT’S NOT OKAY!! Either you want to avoid toxins or you don’t.  And if you are putting yourself out there as a leader, then lead.  This is black and white people. Either you love yourself enough to not poison yourself or you don’t.

 

When confronted with those that are engaging in self-defeating behavior like above, our reactions can either help them or hinder them. In response to so many challenges like the ones above, people respond, “I am praying for you.”  And while prayer is awesome, keep in mind that WHAT you pray for is key.  If you are praying for that person without holding them accountable for themselves, then you are barely contributing to the solution.  Don’t give energy to people who whine but refuse to do anything about their lives. Help them help themselves by holding them accountable. By all means pray for them—but don’t pray for a magical solution to the stress. Pray that they learn to love themselves enough to take the steps necessary to change their life. All healing begins on the inside.  If you want to change your life or help others change theirs, then choosing love is always the answer.  After all, the universe reflects back at you what you put out there.


So what if you find yourself in the “I’m doing the best I can” crowd. Maybe it's time to ask yourself if "good enough" is really what you deserve.  Perhaps it's time to realize that you deserve better.  If you know something you’re doing is bad for you and you do it anyway, then you’re not doing the best you can.  Please don’t misunderstand. We all have days when our ego is in full control and we go down that road. The key is realizing that while our ego is convincing ourselves that whining on a public forum is a good idea, or eating that chemical laden piece of grocery store cake is loving ourselves, in reality our higher self knows that that isn’t truly the way to take care of ourselves. If we truly love ourselves and walk down that ego-laden road, then we also will forgive ourselves. However, we won’t make excuses. We will process the emotions that are allowing our ego to be in control and we will take full responsibility for ourselves. If what I’m saying sounds insensitive, it's likely I just hit upon some of your own cognitive dissonance. But I won’t apologize, because I love you enough to call you out when you bullshit yourself.  Have the courage to say, “I LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!”  Now watch how your life unfolds.

 

So the Mom who says she can't take care of herself because she's taking care of others?  Let me put forward that if you don’t love yourself enough to take care of yourself, then you aren’t doing the best thing for your family.  What example is that setting for your children?  And when you collapse, who's going to take care of them? The mom's who complain about how hard it is to find safe personal care products but then aren't willing to use the truly safe ones?  Again, there's no such thing as kinda safe.  They either are clean or they aren't. Let me be clear:  If you decide to use the better-than-Johnson's-and-Johnson's-but-still-not-totally-clean products, then that's your choice. However, complaining about not having a good choice and then ignoring the good choice when given to you is a lack of love for yourself.  Finally, raging against toxins in one product while looking for validation that it's okay to use them in another product is a lack of love for yourself.

 

No one likes a Know-It-All—and I realize that I can act like a Class A, Pain-in-the-Ass Know-it-All—especially when I am challenging you. But I don’t care if you like me. I care if you love yourself. So PLEASE stop making excuses. Stop claiming “It’s good enough.” Don’t settle for mediocrity—shoot for the stars! Embrace the very best. Because when you take care of you, the universe takes care of you. And that, my friends, is what the Higher Living Journey is all about.

 

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