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Breaking the Energetic Bond with the "Narcissist": A Theory in the Making

Before we get started, let me set the foundation.

Narcissist is an over-used word. Most people do not have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. What they have is trauma that has caused them to develop traits associated with narcissism. The more traits they have, the less likely they are to be able to look in the mirror, take responsibility for their actions, and change.

Most people will have some of these traits because most people have been exposed to trauma.

Furthermore, what one constitutes as “trauma” changes from person to person. Your ability to process life and its situations, your own feelings, and take responsibility for your part in creating what you experience, determines how you deal with challenges. The more able you are to handle these challenges, the less likely they are to traumatize you.

We live in a society that does not teach the tools of dealing with life’s challenges. We live in a society that has become inverted.

And that’s why so many people on social media are now talking about “Narcissism” and “Trauma.”

Awareness is a key part of the healing process. Just don’t buy into the labels.

Now, let’s get started on my theory.

As a Shaman and Quantum Vibrational healer, I believe that we need to heal at an energetic/spiritual level, an emotional level, and a physical level, and that it often goes in that order.

So when I feel stuck or see others that are stuck in a looping pattern, I look at the energy first.

For the last couple of years I feel as if I have had an intensive lesson in narcissism/trauma bonding/shadow integration.

I’ve watched friends go through grueling divorces with men too damaged to take responsibility for themselves who are using the children as pawns.

I’ve had a run in with someone I thought was a good friend who turned out to be manipulating me as a means to use my energy.

I joined a team of people who’s leader personified the feminine version of narcissist/victim-mode.

I’ve watched friends stuck in trauma bonds go round and round and round with no forward movement — stuck in a quantum-looping pattern.

The key here is we cannot control someone else. Whether it be a man using his kids as pawns in a divorce, or a woman stuck in victim mode that dumps her drama all over us, their actions are their own.

The questions then becomes, “What is it in me that is drawing this experience to me?”

Most people dealing with a situation like this feel like they are victims at the mercy of the other person’s drama. And that is understandable and often very real. However, there is no power in being a victim.

So how do you empower yourself? By looking deeply into the mirror and finding the parts of you that allow this type of person in your life. The parts of you that need healing so you don’t draw these lessons into your life. The parts of you that have trouble placing boundaries, the parts of you that struggle with offering compassion to the point of abandoning yourself, and the parts of you that undervalue your own worth.

In scenarios like these, the “narcissist” is so fractured that they are not connected to their own soul. Therefore they take energy from the people around them.

The person in relationship with the “narcissist” often has so much compassion for the “narcissist” that they makes excuses for them, forgive over and over again, try to see the best in them, and try to show them the path to healing. In the process, they abandon themselves repeatedly because their own needs are not being met in the relationship. They work very diligently to heal themselves and find the parts of them they can change to make things better. And when it doesn’t work, sometimes they get reactive and display reactionary abuse when they get fed up.

And then they wonder if THEY are the narcissist.

And the quantum loop goes round and round.

What I am finding is that the “victim” in the scenario gives up a piece of themselves, of their own soul, their own energy, and subconsciously gives it to the “narcissist.”

“Here, if I give you this piece of myself will you stop trying to drain my energy??”

The relationship ends but the abuse does not. Or the relationships ends, but new people show up in your life that repeat the pattern.

In order to change the pattern, the victim needs to heal and shift their vibration.

But if they are missing a piece of themselves because they gave it to the narcissist, then the piece they need to heal isn’t present in their own energetic field so they literally aren’t available to themselves to heal.

So my theory is, if we use meditation/guided meditation to find the pieces that were given away, reintegrate them into the “victims” energetic field, and then do the work to heal those aspects of self, that will fundamentally change the frequency of the “victim”.

And when the “victim” changes their frequency, the connection between them and the “narcissist” shifts, ultimately leading to the end of the quantum looping.

Thus empowering the “victim” to step deeper into their own soul and stand in their truth.

This is intense work. It takes a great deal of courage to look at the ways you have created your own experience.

If this resonates with you and you feel as if I might be the right person to help you through this process, please reach out. I am also looking at creating group zooms to assist in this process.


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